UCLA update

I have been going to UCLA for 3 weeks now, focusing on my OCD treatment. There have been many blessings about going and many heartaches.

One of the blessings has been my Psychologist. She is empathetic, kind, understands the importance of religion in my life and how OCD messes with that, and she works with me on my level. I believe I was put with her for these reasons. I am very grateful.

The other blessings include going to spend every day for 6 weeks with my mother. For those who do not know her, she is amazing and a strength to me in every way. Having her here helps lift me up when times are hard and she knows how to give support when needed, like coming to yoga classes 2x a week and attending the temple every day or twice a day so we can do my 'homework' for the program or just endowments for our relatives.

Therapy is interesting. The whole  goal of therapy is to make me feel uncomfortable, agitated, and anxious and then make me sit through that anxiety till the anxiety lowers down to a point that I can handle it.

Because I did a lot of Exposure Response Prevention preparing for this program I have a good handle on what to do, so we are able to work on other issues that I have, and I am very grateful for that ability.

Since a lot of my problems are, in my head, per se I have to imagine situations that will trigger me., because of that this dog explains how it feels:

OCD Dog from Secret Life of Pets 2


Anyway, one night I was working on poetry when I realized all my OCD poems were depressing. I wanted to make one that was not depressing,  and explained how I handle my OCD. So, I wrote one, it is not for the uptight, or the prude. But an honest insight of my life with OCD in a slightly funny way.

I see there standing on the stage
A man is dressed in a sea of beige
He talks to all and I want to listen
For he is teaching that Jesus is risen

Then out from nowhere jumps in front
A penis and testicles if I am blunt
They stand there bare for me to see
And if I look away they follow me.

How do I rid myself of these thoughts? 
I have fought and fought until I am fraught
But, if I let it stand alone
Deprived of tap shoes and trombone

I will learn to disregard its place
And be free to watch and sit with grace
So now happy church is for me
Because I can sit and focus so easily

But what to do if the penis comes to the door?

I look past him because he is a bore.


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